Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Why my mom isn't a lesbian

So last week I used whole gift for Cameron saga as a catalyst to discuss my gay status with my mother.

After the emotional event of seeing cam to give her the gift (during which I almost got hit by a car because I did the tragic movie thing and looked back to see if she was looking at me- she was- when I was almost done crossing the street). I decided to call my mother and finally say out loud to her who cam was, why she shouldn't send gifts or call cam when my cell is dead/lost (that reminds me I need to send her some friend's cell phone numbers) , and why I gave cam the gift anyway.

It was a good and productive conversation and the first time my mom and I actually talked about me and the gayness. I cried a little and she listened and added to the conversation. It was the first time she was able to hear how much my relationship with Cameron (or any woman) meant to me. I think this was a very important hurdle for us, and she even managed to be kind of supportive.

So you are probably curious about the title of this post. During our conversation my mom told me that a friend of hers said something to her about how lesbians break-up badly because both the people in the relationship are women which makes them emotional (I know I could comment about that statement but I'm not going to). I responded by saying the break-ups are also hard because you lose the person you are dating and your best friend. Now, other straight people that I have said this to have argued that their significant other became their best friend too. But not my mother, her response was, "I can't even imagine, my girl friends have always been so important to me- that would be enough to keep me from doing it (dating women)".

Sometimes my mom makes me laugh and sometimes I wonder about her. I should have responded by saying, "Well, that's because you are not gay." That probably would have been going a bit too far- not sure. When she first said it I felt defensive, like she was attacking me a bit, which is what let me to that potential response. Then I thought about it some more and I noticed that again, as in the past, she was using an argument that shows that at some point she may have had the potential to date women but went the other way. Maybe one day in the distant future I'll be able to have that conversation with my mom. Or maybe I won't and I'll be left with my ability to read "queerness" between the lines...

2 comments:

Miss Pris said...

How do you come up with titles all the time? If I had to do that, it would be enough to deter me from posting at all.
Speaking of which, sorry for the serious e-mail lapse. I can´t even assume "reply" status because it´s too involved. Get me a straight-jacket and adderol--I need intensive commitment saturation. And a slap in the face.
Mel, I´m amazed at your straight-forwardness with your mom. I´m happy, because you´re happy, that you have her support--it really seems like she´s thoughtful and open-minded about your sexuality and YOU you.
Send me the name and possibly address of the tat parlor.
Peace.

Claire said...

You are awesome.

Does it mean anything that the beginning of my word verification is GLB?

Hmm.