Rick Warren and Other Gay Matters

I went to Intermediate School with Josh Warren. He was really nice, I wasn't close friends with him, but I would call him a close acquaintance. I remember him fondly as an open, accepting and fun person -- he makes me think of Tigger or Hobbes but that probably has more to do with his build and red hair than anything else. Back then his dad wasn't such a big deal -- he hadn't yet published The Purpose Driven Life, and Saddleback Church wasn't quite the behemoth it is now - with it's 20,000 weekly attendees. I knew Rick Warren (who was really just "Josh's dad" to me) had started Saddleback Church and that he was the minister there.

Saddleback was already really popular with the youth back then, the "Christian" kids always bragged about how cool their youth ministry events were. Tons of kids attended, they had live music, huge events. I seem to remember my brother talking about wanting to be part of their group, how they reached him on a level that San Francisco Solano youth ministry couldn't. I went to one of the large "cool" youth events once, I think I was a freshman in high school. I remember feeling like I had entered an oddly cultish situation. It was HUGE, held on the current grounds of Saddleback Church (120 acres), it felt like any big event, like a town or school fair or something. In my memory there were games like a climbing wall, and live music - but it's all kind of hazy. I don't remember anyone really talking religion, but there were tons of kids -- teens -- in Wildside shirts (the name for Saddleback's youth ministry - soooo cool). I remember feeling out of place and wrong. I simultaneously felt wrong because I didn't belong because I wasn't a "Christian" and also because the event seemed naughty -- like these were "bad kids" who were going to do something wrong because there were so many of us teens and so few adults and we were all outside together at night.

My girlfriend, Rachel, always laughs at me when I refer to "Christians" as though they're some sort of other (she's Baptist*). "Catholics are Christians", she always tells me. I know that, of course I know that, but I've had the idea that we're different bored into me for so long that it's hard not to think of "them" as an other. You may be thinking that my Catholic upbringing is responsible for this, that I was always told that Catholicism is the one true religion, that the other Christian religions were not true because they didn't fully follow the rules of God -- something like that. I might have learned a little of that, what made Catholicism different from other Christian religions, but that's not what made them seem like an other, it was them, the Christians. I mainly remember this from high school, but it may have happened earlier than that too. Maybe it's because I went to a Catholic high school so the "Christians" felt they needed to affirm their place as non-Catholics. I remember having many conversations about how we (Catholics) worship Mary and how that was so wrong because we acted like Mary was another God when she wasn't -- why were "we" so obsessed with her? So what if Catholics think Mary is important? She's the one woman that is held in any high position in Christianity, what, are "Christians" chauvinists? We can't have great respect for a woman? I also remember them pointing out that we have the crucifixion on our cross and they do not, or maybe it was us pointing that out to them.

I have since come to learn that by "Christian" what I mean is Evangelical, by which I mean Rick Warren's flock. I don't remember them ever calling themselves Evangelicals, just "Christians", as in, "I'm Christian and you're Catholic." Have you ever seen the grounds of Saddleback Church? It's HUGE. And it seems to get bigger every year. It's right off the Toll Road (241) in Lake Forest. Here's the Google Map satellite view.

View Larger Map

I can't get Blogger to paste it anymore zoomed than that but if you zoom in you get a good idea. I went in the massive main "worship center" once, when my mom's co-worker died. It seemed to me a strange place to hold a funeral service. Rich was a really good person, and had touched a lot of people in his life, but we seemed such a small and insignificant group dwarfed by the warehouse like size of the church.

There are some things about Rick Warren that I do like and respect. He is the creator and senior pastor of the eighth largest mega-church in the US and yet I'm pretty positive he still lives in the same house he did when I was in intermediate school. It's not small, but he does have three kids and it's not huge either. It's in a small gated community, not Coto De Caza or even Dove Canyon. If you ask me it's pretty run of the mill OC, just a little larger than average. Not the crazy mansions you hear about other mega-church leaders owning. It is reported that he donates 90% of his earnings and keeps 10% -- I don't doubt this. He also spends a lot of energy fighting AIDS and poverty and urging others to do so. There are many Evangelical pastors out there who could use to follow his example in these ways.

He also did some pretty good work for Obama during the election -- he brought him out to Saddleback Church to speak to his congregation during primary season. My mom, a liberal OCer, was shocked to hear diehard conservative Republicans talking about how good Obama sounded (I think they were shocked to hear themselves say it).

But then, for all the good, there's also the bad. It makes me sad, that a man who has so much power and influence, who works for so much good can also work to hurt others and spread hate. Rick Warren, in his own words, believes that homosexuality is not the right way, that certain parts are meant to "fit together" and that allowing same-sex marriage would be the same as allowing brothers and sisters to marry or older-men to marry children. He used his large influence in California to help Prop 8 pass when he released a statement in which he said, "Of course, my longtime opposition is well known. This is not a political issue, it is a moral issue that God has spoken clearly about. There is no doubt where we should stand on this issue. ... This will be a close contest. I urge you to VOTE YES on Prop 8 - preserve the biblical definition of marriage. Don't forget to vote!"

His clear message of love and acceptance of all God's children is well received by his congregation. I sent out an e-mail urging people in my yahoo contacts to attend the Join the Impact Prop 8 protest (my e-mail was purposely not preachy because I knew I was sending it to some people for whom this was a sensitive issue). I received this message in return from a man I had babysat for who happens to be a member of Saddleback Church:

If you want to protest something that Jesus is against this is your right as a person of free will. God's word states that homosexuality is an abomination to the Lord. Not all people Melanie are God's children as Jesus stated to the Pharisee's during his time on earth when he said that their father was the devil. That means Melanie that they were doing their fathers will while Jesus pursued His Father's will. Standing for something like you are doing is going directly against what my Lord Stands for. You do what you will but as for me and my house we will serve the Lord. Never again send your godless garbage into my home through email.

Yup, pretty sure he just called me the spawn of satan. Last time I checked tearing people and their lifestyles down is not a way of "serving the Lord", but that might just be me.

Then there's the sad fact that Obama picked Warren for the Inaugural Invocation. Plenty of people have written about this, so I'll keep it short. Yes, I understand that Obama wants to reach out to the conservatives, but really, just after he was so influential in passing Prop 8, which you called pointless, why does he get the most watched invocation of the whole week? Why didn't you tap him to do the closing invocation which less people watch? Or maybe even the opening invocation before the concert on Sunday, that way it wouldn't have been televised or even heard by half the people in attendance.

Caught on to where I'm going? Gene Robinson the openly gay Episcopal Bishop from New Hampshire was tapped to do the opening invocation after all the controversy when Warren was chosen. Robinson was told that he was already decided on before all the controversy and was not chosen to pacify people. Either way, and for what ever reason, someone (everyone is pointing fingers in the other direction) decided Robinson's prayer would not be included in the HBO coverage of the concert. Then, by some other divine miracle, there were sound system issues during his prayer so that most of the enormous crowd in attendance couldn't even hear him. So, the only way to hear Richardson's prayer is through a video taken by an audience member, very small, faraway and with bad sound quality. I think the video does not give due credit to the prayer, so here is the text:

O God of our many understandings, we pray that you will…

Bless us with tears – for a world in which over a billion people exist on less than a dollar a day, where young women from many lands are beaten and raped for wanting an education, and thousands die daily from malnutrition, malaria, and AIDS.

Bless us with anger – at discrimination, at home and abroad, against refugees and immigrants, women, people of color, gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender people.

Bless us with discomfort – at the easy, simplistic “answers” we’ve preferred to hear from our politicians, instead of the truth, about ourselves and the world, which we need to face if we are going to rise to the challenges of the future.

Bless us with patience – and the knowledge that none of what ails us will be “fixed” anytime soon, and the understanding that our new president is a human being, not a messiah.

Bless us with humility – open to understanding that our own needs must always be balanced with those of the world.

Bless us with freedom from mere tolerance – replacing it with a genuine respect and warm embrace of our differences, and an understanding that in our diversity, we are stronger.

Bless us with compassion and generosity – remembering that every religion’s God judges us by the way we care for the most vulnerable in the human community, whether across town or across the world.

And God, we give you thanks for your child Barack, as he assumes the office of President of the United States.

Give him wisdom beyond his years, and inspire him with Lincoln’s reconciling leadership style, President Kennedy’s ability to enlist our best efforts, and Dr. King’s dream of a nation for ALL the people.

Give him a quiet heart, for our Ship of State needs a steady, calm captain in these times.

Give him stirring words, for we will need to be inspired and motivated to make the personal and common sacrifices necessary to facing the challenges ahead.

Make him color-blind, reminding him of his own words that under his leadership, there will be neither red nor blue states, but the United States.

Help him remember his own oppression as a minority, drawing on that experience of discrimination, that he might seek to change the lives of those who are still its victims.

Give him the strength to find family time and privacy, and help him remember that even though he is president, a father only gets one shot at his daughters’ childhoods.

And please, God, keep him safe. We know we ask too much of our presidents, and we’re asking FAR too much of this one. We know the risk he and his wife are taking for all of us, and we implore you, O good and great God, to keep him safe. Hold him in the palm of your hand – that he might do the work we have called him to do, that he might find joy in this impossible calling, and that in the end, he might lead us as a nation to a place of integrity, prosperity and peace.

God of our many understandings -- Robinson made sure his prayer was inclusive of all people, a very rare non-Christain leaning inaugural prayer, and yet very few had the opportunity to hear it. While Rick Warren, heard by millions around the world went the other direction, and gave a resoundingly Christian invocation, even more Christian than the typical inaugural prayer as he actually used the name of Jesus:

I humbly ask this in the name of the one who changed my life, Yeshua, Isa, Jesus, Jesus (hay-SOOS), who taught us to pray, Our Father who art in heaven hallowed be thy name, thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil, for thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever.

It is interesting to note that Warren also referred to Americans as being "united by our commitment to freedom and justice for all". I wonder if anyone has pointed out to him that same-sex marriage rights fall squarely under the heading of "justice for ALL"?

This has been a very long post, and it is high time I wrap it up, but I want to do so on a happy note.

I've heard tell from people with insider D.C. information that Obama will most likely not do much for "the gays" during his first administration but that he will probably tackle same-sex marriage and the rights of aliens. Meaning he will try to change the rules so that citizens can sponsor their same-sex partners who are seeking citizenship. Under current Federal law marrying a same-sex partner is grounds for revoking of the Visa. So if someone seeking their green-card through means other than marriage then gets married to a same-sex partner they risk getting thrown out of the country -- so they have to lie, of course, if they get caught lying they are thrown out of the country for lying (catch 22, anyone?). It's just a step, but one of big importance to many people.

I have evidence that Warren's OC stronghold of anti-same-sex rights advocates is dwindling. I recently joined the Facebook group Santa Margarita CHS, Alumni, two days ago (when I joined) there were 555 members and the second "related group" was California's Ready to Repeal Prop 8. There are only a few new members since then but it's no longer a related group, I don't know why that would be, but I am still encouraged that so many people who grew up and were influence Behind The Orange Curtain are against Prop 8. And my other proof is that I only received one "hate mail" in response to my Prop 8 protest e-mail, but that one e-mail incited an outpouring of love and support and dialogue from others who received the e-mail (he hit reply all - it was a huge list, the max number of recipients), many of whom are from or in Orange County. My favorite response was from my mom:

I don't profess to know the mind of God - I know Jesus left us two great commands - To love God above all things and to love one another as we love ourselves.

I don't know if my Catholic church is correct in denying same sex couples the sacrament of marriage - but when it comes to prop 8 it doesn't really matter - because prop 8 is not about changing my religious convictions - it is about denying equal civil rights to our brothers and sisters who are All God's Children - who are loved equally by Him who would leave the 99 for any 1 of them.

The only thing I am certain of is that in our democracy my religious beliefs CAN NOT trump another person's CIVIL RIGHTS. When this happens in the Middle East we wage war against the government and call it a stand for democracy - aren't we being hypocritical? Prop 8 does not affect your or my religious beliefs in any way - but denying the civil rights of any of our citizens diminishes us as a democratic people.

And finally there is an awesome new group called Yay Gay (yes I co-opted their name for my previous post) -- "a grassroots movement to foment positivity for all things queer and crowd out homophobia through outreach, organizing, community service, humor, and lots of kindness". I'm pretty sure the "kill them with kindess" approach is going to win the day. Join the Facebook group or e-mail them at project.yaygay@gmail.com. A movement like this is definitely needed in OC -- so this is especially to all you out there, join the group and start coming up with ideas!

I lied, one more thing. The ACLU of Massachusetts is putting on a conference on Reclaiming Our Civil Liberties. Sounds pretty good, and it's not expensive, I'm hoping to go. Find out more here.

Okay, seriously last thing. Join the Impact is doing an open letter signature drive to tell and show Obama that we remember his campaign promises and that equal LGBT rights are important to millions of Americans. Please click the link above to print out the letter, sign it, have as many people as you can sign it and send it in by February 16th.

* Yes, my girlfriend is a Baptist, but it's not what you think. This isn't Southern Baptist we're talking about here. She belongs to an extremely liberal Baptist Church. Two of the three Pastors are openly gay. The most recent gay pastor was ordained as an openly gay woman. If you're looking for a very liberal, open and accepting church on the North Shore, check out First Baptist Church of Beverly.

What's the BBC?

Hello loyal readers, I'm back!

First, a note to my regulars:

Sorry I have been gone for so long, my mother was right, I was using myspace instead of "imparting liberal wisdom". Thank you for enjoying my blog enough to bug me to bring it back, makes me feel special.

A note about grad school apps:

I found out they are not due until Jan. 8th. I am currently working on my statement of purpose. But I did a lot of writing at the laundromat last night, and I will be at work for like 4.5 more hours because my downtown engagement does not start until 8 pm and I am too lazy to go home and come back. So, I will do more work then. Claire, I am applying to UCLA, it is the only place I want to go...will you be able to deal with me being so close?

Now, onto the post...I'll restate the title incase you forgot: "What's the BBC?"

The past two Falls have taught me that flag football season is my busy season- it is pretty much the only time of year when I get any action, and I usually get my fill for the rest of the year (the "dry season").

I was just starting to make "A map of my life" part Duex and actually post it on here because unlike last year this one only involves kissing- no sex, and kissing is innocent and can't hurt feelings, right? I thought better, so again, if you want to see it, ask in a comment and I'll send it to ya, err, maybe I'll put a blog e-mail over in that side panel thing, if I can figure that out I'll do it.

So this "season" I made-out with no less than four women. Of those four women, three were actually interested in me, and of the four I was/am actually interested in two. To me this is a lot of people, to the cast of Sex and the City it is probably a small enough number to cause panic, but I am not in my thirties yet (I'm not sure if that actually meant anything).

More general stats about the four women:

• I did more than making out with one of them
• One of them slept in my bed....twice
• I went to three of thier apartments
• I made out with two of them in bathrooms...one of them involved multiple kisses and being locked in a stall
• I went on one full-on date, which involved me answering my door in a towel (maybe I'll explain that later), being driven to the restaurant, and letting her pay for the meal
• Two of them played in the Boston Women's Flag Football League
• Three of them were my age (graduated college in 2004 or at least should have graduated in oh-four, but took an extra year)
• One is turning thirty next saturday
• I communicated with all of them via text message
• So far I have hung out in a datish sort of way four times with three of them

Haha, that last bullet was hard to word, and seriously it is because the lesbian dating scene is really odd, especially when it involves people around my age, I'm twenty-four in case you didn't know. I have been out on actual dates with two women in the past year, one was twenty-six (I think) and one is thirty. So what about the three women around my age? How do you define what I did with them? Well, one of them I just hooked up with, plain and simple...actually, not that simple, I may explain that more fully in a bit. The other two? Well...we "hung out"/ are "hanging out". I'm serious, that is the term everyone throws around. I used this term when trying to describe my love life to Cameron (my ex) and she made fun of me. But really, there is no other way to define it.

Hanging out:

We're not dating because we're not going out on actual dates, not really. We just text each other, and request each other on myspace and send flirty messages and e-mails back and fourth and then every now and then we get a chance to "hang out". Hanging out includes but is not limited to: meeting at a bar to watch a sporting event, meeting at an apartment to watch a sporting event or movie, meeting up at a club, attending a party together, meeting up with friends for a drink, making out in bathrooms and cars.

Rules to keep in mind while hanging out:

It's not really serious, so don't get your hopes up and try not to let her get her hopes up. It is safe to assume that the person you are hanging out with is also hanging out with other people, I mean, hey, you are too, right? Text messaging is a lot like IMing used to be, it's just the way people who are hanging out should communitcate and just because a person text messages you a lot does not mean that she is very interested. If you become uninterested in someone or if someone becomes uninterested in you, all you/ they have to do is sloooow down the texting. You pretty much stop texting them altogether and when they text you, you just send short responses that elicit no return response from them. I'm currently texting and semi-hanging out with girl number four of the season and I think I have figured out the game now. You just have to stay mellow, not too interested but not uninterested, just somewhere in-between, go with the flow.

The hard part of it all is what comes after one of you realizes that you're not really interested. Along the way with all of this "hanging out" you have probably gotten to really like them (whether or not that's in a romantic way) and thier friends. How do you get to a place where you can establish that it is cool that you're not "hanging out" anymore, but that you'd still like to be in thier life, as a friend, because you enjoy spending time with them and thier friends? It must be possible to do that without actually saying it and thus making things awkward. I'm still trying to figure this out with pretty much all of the girls, except for the one I actually hooked up with, I think she may be avoiding me altogether, which I have decided is another story for another day.

So what does the title have to do with anything? What's that you say? You've been reading for a long time now and still don't see what any of this has to do with the BBC? It's a story, a related story. It goes a little something like this:

Text from Girl Number Three: Hey, what are you up to tonight?

Response from Me: Not sure, I've been invited to do a couple of things, I'm still trying to decide which I'm going to. What are you up to? (note that the responder is making an effort to show that she is unavailable for "hanging out" this evening and is making no effort to include the texter in her evening plans)

TG#3: It's my mom's birthday so I am spending time with her, then I think I just want to relax and stay in and watch a movie.

RM: Cool. Oh hey, I found another good lesbian movie, Tipping the Velvet, well it's actually a BBC miniseries but it is rentable, you should check it out. (note again that the responder has not accepted the bait offered by the texter and has made no indication that she may like to ditch her plans in order to join the texter in these new plans)

TG#3: Do you want to watch a movie with me? (Responder's jaw drops when recieving this message. How could she have not picked up on the very well put hints that I would NOT be interested in joining her tonight?)

RM: (I did not have time to respond before the next text came through)

TG#3: What's BBC? (This text plays over and over in the responder's mind. Each time she utters the phrase with more and more wonder and amazement at the question...she fully realizes this makes her a snob)

RM: No, sorry, I already have too many plans tonight. British Broadcasting Coorporation. (note that the responder was careful not to add in, but I'm available....or we should do it some other time....or even maybe some other time.)

TG#3: Ok. (at this point the responder's notes that the texter made no mention of having already known what BBC meant).

.End scene.

My friends and I discussed this, and it was decided there are just some lines, some things, that you  cannot accept unless you are very interested and invested. Not having any knowledge what-so-ever of the BBC, that is just one of my lines. So now it is a catch phrase to be added to "making copies" (making out), and "the drain is clogged" (that guy (person) is hot). Here is how is works:

"Eh, I don't know if it's gonna work out. 'She asked what the BBC was.'" (of course the listener will know that she didn't actually ask what the BBC was but that she revield that she is unaware of or uninterested in something that is vitally important to you, or that you simply expect someone who you would be interested in to be knowledgable of).

It works the other way too, this is an actual quote (I haven't gotten a chance to use it in the above way yet, but you better believe I will as soon as I get a chance):

"Yeah, I'm not sure what happened. We hung out the other night, I thought it was fine, nothing wonderful, but not bad either. But, she has slowed down a lot on the texting and e-mailing. I think 'I must have asked what the BBC was'. I don't know when or how I asked it, but I must have."

That was a really long post! Am I forgiven?

Follow-up to Queer Eye

So I saw the show and was very pleased. I was a little worried, but they did a great job of making who Miles was approachable while still respecting the complexity (I think that's what I'm trying to say).

My friend Sarah informed me that it was not the first time that a trans person was on reality TV, but it was still exciting anyway, it is good to know that Queer Eye is not the only show that was willing to breach the subject.

Finally, I was also quite happy with how loving and accepting Miles' family is. I remember sophomore year we were hanging out in the library (did you notice the Vermont flag in his apartment- well that used to hang in "the fort" the space we took over in the Library) during finals and Miles was nervous about a wedding (I think) he was going to with his family. It was the first time he would be wearing a suit at a family function while his sisters would be wearing dresses. I don't think I ever heard how it went but I am glad to see where his family is at now.

Not that Frida was trans or that this is really related, but I just love Frida and that last paragraph made me think of her:

That's Frida in the middle :)

Queer Eye for the Mount Holyoke Guy

I know what you're thinking. "Is this some J-show skit you were in?" (well maybe you were thinking that if you really know me).

Anyway, this is no skit people, this is the real thing- Bravo TV. Tonight at 10:00 pm Miles Goff, who started Mount Holyoke in '99 (I think) as Amelia Goff will star in Queer Eye for the Straight Guy episode 302: TRANS-FORM THIS TRANS-MAN.

(Miles is in the back)

I don't know Miles well, but I know that he is a good guy and very kind and I'm really excited for him. He was at our reunion and we said something to him about his upcoming fame and he just sheepishly smiled and asked how we had heard about it. A number of the other friends that appear in the episodes are friends and acquaintances from Mount Holyoke. Needless to say Claudia (a fellow MHC alum) and I are having people over tonight to watch the episode.

This is the first time Queer eye has ever had a trans-gendered person on, and my friend Bekka has speculated that this may be the first time a trans-gendered person has been on a reality TV show. So tune in and check it out, and if you don't read this blog until too late, don't distress it's Bravo, here are the other show times: Tue, Aug 1 12:00 AM, Thu, Aug 3 8:00 PM, and Sat, Aug 5 1:00 PM.

Happy watching :)

If anyone at work didn't realize I was gay they sure do now!

Cracked out and sad that less than 11 hours later I am back at work I put in my headphones and turned on some of the fine slam poetry of Kit Yan. First poem up- Straight Girls. It wasn't quite loud enough for me so I turned it up all the way. After about 3 minutes I realized that the reason it hadn't been loud enough for me was that the sound was not coming through my headphones. Yes, oh yes, I had plugged to headphones into the mic hole and had blasted Kit's anger over being jerked around by straight girls for all of the office to hear!

I am a genius!

I'm never leaving my cubicle again.

Here are the words that were blasted for all to hear in case you are interested:


Straight girls,
Like to date girls.
And then they go back,
To their boyfriends,
Who don't want them,
And then they go back.

Straight girls,
Like to make girls think they'll love them until the end.
And then they've got the nerve to say, "What? we're just friends."
And I hate that.

I hate girls.
I sound like a second grader.
But there's no better way to truly convey what I feel.
I hate girls.

I hate them because they lie.
And you know those shits that say, "boys lie."
Yeah well,
A better shirt would say, "boys lie, but girls lie to your fucking face and lead you on in an unexplainable way, and then leave you there with so many questions, you wonder if you're still gay!"

Okay, I got carried away.
But it's true.
Girls will fuck with you.
Feed you compliments,
Wear unforgettable scents,
Have deep, meaningful, and intense conversations with you,
Until the cows go home with them on their backs.

Ugh.
I fucking hate girls.
Because they do nice things.
Little things meaningful things.
And if I were a guy, I might not notice at all.
But there's the fucking problem.
I'm a girl.
But I hate girls,
Because I understand the bullshit they file away.
To feed the different girls, that they pretend to date.

"We need to hang out."
But we won't.
"Wow, I had a great time, I'll call you okay?"
And she won't.
"We need to talk."
And that's never good.
"Hey, we'll still be friends."
And we never should,
Have started this fucking piece of shit motherfucking crap to begin with.

No, I haven't lost my mind, just my vocab.
What? You think I chose this path?
My fucking life is like Attack of the Killer Lesbians,
Filled with some of the greatest actresses.
Or some nights it's like meet "Miss Right" on the Woman show.

Behind door number one:
The ever so beautiful experimental bi-curious straight girl, with a long term boyfriend and it was HER who asked YOU out.
Behind door number two:
The elusive bisexual girl, who at first glance, you thought you had no chance, but she hit on you while standing next to the guy she just made out with.
And behind door number three:
Your standard issue L-U-G. Lesbian Until Graduation, my favorite conveniently located at your nearest all-girls college.
Smith, Simmons, Wellesley, wherever.

But oh wait, there's more.
Who's the lovely lady behind door number four?
Ah, your regular old lesbian,
Fully equipped with all the tricks of the trade,
Now this is what a lesbianÂ’s made of.
Doesn't care,
Doesn't call,
Wants everything from you,
Yet nothing at all.

So go ahead, take your pick, but I'm fucking done.
You girls can play your game because you've already won.
And for the record, please don't call.

Won't you take me from Funky Town?

Thank you Claire, for that much needed slap into reality.

Ever since I got back from Spain I have been in such a strange funk that I just can't shake. Its like I have suddenly found myself at this place in my life where I'm just sitting here. I'm waiting for all of these things to happen but they're not quite happening yet and so I go through each day in a complete daze and I find it impossible to get the small things done. Seriously, this needs to stop because it is getting really annoying.

This strange state of mind is affecting my work as well, and that is not a good thing because eventually someone is going to notice that I am getting nearly nothing accomplished in the "7.5 hours" that I'm here every day. Somehow myspace, friendster and facebook became the most important things in my life- they're not reality folks!

Anyway, one of those things that I've been waiting for is finally going to happen: I'm moving to Jamaica Plain, otherwise know as JP or if you ask Po GayP. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I am moving to the official lesbian community of Boston. Wow, sometimes I'm so gay: I just realized that I communicate with more men through my blog than in real life (mike, you are pretty much the only male that I actually talk to in person on a regular basis); I went to a women's college; I've played softball all my life (yes this is a stereotype- so what?); I play on a gay football team (not that women's football needs to be called gay to be gay); I just joined a slow pitch softball team in the Boston Alternative Women's league (BAWL); and I am moving to GayP.

This is JP (Not Funky Town)

I am also moving in with my friend Claudia, and just Claudia. The two of us are going to make our beautiful two bedroom, with dinning room, living room and enclosed balcony apartment into a cozy home- a real home. We even have plans for a room that is decorated entirely with art work by our friends- so if you have anything you want displayed in a stylish 20 something apartment send it our way.

This is Claudia and me (Don't worry I don't let
her touch my rack until she's paid me first)

Anyway, this wasn't really a post of substance- that is lame after such a long break- but I am just emerging from my coma so you're gonna have to give me a minuet.

PS. my grandpa has a girlfriend- that is pretty much all I can say about that...

First dates are so gay...

****I started writing this entry on Monday...oops, took a while to finish it!***

Due to Claire's extreme enthusiasm and the lack of more than one vote/ title and the fact that this topic is filling my brain to capacity right now- it wins.

Sooo, if you know me, you know that I refrain from using "gay" as an insult or a term reflecting negativity. You may wonder then why I chose this title and what it refers to. Well, I'll tell you. I am gay, and I just went on a first date. And first dates are very much not gay. What I mean is that the last actual first date I went on was in 2003 with Jess.

This is Jess, she will probably hate that I put this picture of her up here, but it is the only digital picture I have from when we were dating. Jess and I dated for 4 months, and I pretty much lived with her and her two cats the whole time (despite the fact that I am allergic- sometimes I'm crazy!)

Anyway, our "first date" went something like this: We met at a party and we were both interested in each other, at the end of the night Jess asked me for my AIM screen name. Then the next day she IMed me and asked if I wanted to go play pool with her in the Student Center. Not what you would think of as a typical first date, more like two people who might be interested in each other "hanging out". So for my most recent typical first date we have to go allll the way back to the fall of 2001 and a girl named Kirkley.

This is Kirkley.

Now, to be fair, this is Kirkley on her way to Drag Ball senior year (yes, Drag Ball- I went to a women's college, what do you expect?). Kirkley is actually the most "feminine" woman I have ever dated (meaning that we went out on dates, err, a date), and has since gone back to the dark side of dating men. I just enjoy this picture.

Anyway, Kirkley was my first girl crush, and everyone knew that we were interested in each other and everyone was talking about it except for us. So one day she came up to me after class and said, "Everyone is talking about us. We should go to coffee and talk to each other." I of course eeked out a nervous "yes" and was very excited about my date. What I didn't realize was just how much of a date it was.

On my way to meet her my friend Suzy informed me that she had borrowed a cashmere sweater and an expensive sports car from her friend, and that rather than getting coffee as originally planned we were now going out to dinner (or desert or something- I think it was after dinner, but still!).

Kirkley and I had a weird relationship after that 1st date, but the date was one of my best ever. We talked so much that the waitress had to come by multiple times to ask us for our orders and then she left a massive tip which I thought was very cute. At the end of the night she walked me to my dorm and gave me a hug, then I bolted upstairs to gush to my friend Minelly.

So, the point of this quaint trip down memory lane was to highlight that it has been almost 5 years since I have been on a typical first date, and that even then I didn't know it was a first date until like 5 minutes before it started- thus there was no time to stress. In those 5 years I have dated 4 women and with the exception of Jess none of those relationships started with a first date.

Meet Vicky:

(Not her usual dress, she bet against the Steelers and lost)

Vicky and I met a couple of weeks ago and she promptly asked me out. Thus beginning my first date pondering and stress. After she asked me out she was diagnosed with two inner ear infections- so on Monday we went to lunch together. It really wasn't very datey since we both had to get back to work and she was sick.

So, a couple of days ago I e-mail asked her to a movie tonight. As I type she is on her way to pick me up at work and we are going to go see Failure to Launch. So here are my questions (which clearly no one is going to answer in time since she will be here in minutes- but oh well):

• Should there be a kiss and how will it be initiated?
• Should I invite her "up" and how do I do that and does that imply that I want to have sex
• I have more questions but my mind is too muddled to think of them....
  
  Okay...now I have to spell check and then I'm off....wish me luck :)

Why my mom isn't a lesbian

So last week I used whole gift for Cameron saga as a catalyst to discuss my gay status with my mother.

After the emotional event of seeing cam to give her the gift (during which I almost got hit by a car because I did the tragic movie thing and looked back to see if she was looking at me- she was- when I was almost done crossing the street). I decided to call my mother and finally say out loud to her who cam was, why she shouldn't send gifts or call cam when my cell is dead/lost (that reminds me I need to send her some friend's cell phone numbers) , and why I gave cam the gift anyway.

It was a good and productive conversation and the first time my mom and I actually talked about me and the gayness. I cried a little and she listened and added to the conversation. It was the first time she was able to hear how much my relationship with Cameron (or any woman) meant to me. I think this was a very important hurdle for us, and she even managed to be kind of supportive.

So you are probably curious about the title of this post. During our conversation my mom told me that a friend of hers said something to her about how lesbians break-up badly because both the people in the relationship are women which makes them emotional (I know I could comment about that statement but I'm not going to). I responded by saying the break-ups are also hard because you lose the person you are dating and your best friend. Now, other straight people that I have said this to have argued that their significant other became their best friend too. But not my mother, her response was, "I can't even imagine, my girl friends have always been so important to me- that would be enough to keep me from doing it (dating women)".

Sometimes my mom makes me laugh and sometimes I wonder about her. I should have responded by saying, "Well, that's because you are not gay." That probably would have been going a bit too far- not sure. When she first said it I felt defensive, like she was attacking me a bit, which is what let me to that potential response. Then I thought about it some more and I noticed that again, as in the past, she was using an argument that shows that at some point she may have had the potential to date women but went the other way. Maybe one day in the distant future I'll be able to have that conversation with my mom. Or maybe I won't and I'll be left with my ability to read "queerness" between the lines...

Sing HO for the life of the Gays

Thankfully my mom reminded me that the Golden Globes were on last night just in time for me to see them honoring the gays.

Best Original Song in a Motion Picture: "A Love That Will Never Grow Old", Brokeback Mountain
Best Screenplay Motion Picture: Brokeback Mountain
Best Director Motion Picture: Ang Lee, Brokeback Mountain
Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture - Drama: Felicity Huffman, Transamerica
Best Motion Picture- Drama: Brokeback Mountain

Oh man! Look at all the beautiful gayness (I understand that I am lumping here an oversimplifying the idea of Transexuality by including Transamerica in here, but you understand where I am coming from).

I have not seen Transamerica yet, but I am planning on going soon.

I have seen Brokeback Mountain, and let me tell you, if you have yet to see it you need to go. If you need a buddy just gimme a call because I am planning on seeing it a second time. It is such a beautiful movie and it delivers such a clear point about how our societies inability to accept homosexuality damages peoples lives and keeps them from true and simple happiness (even the lives of those who are not homosexual). I also think that the story is such that you cannot argue against this point- which is something that I have never encountered before in a movie trying to deliver this message.

Even my mommy wants to see Brokeback, and we talk about it all the time!

Other happy gay mommy things: Yesterday she was telling me she saw Ebert and Roeper doing a worst movies review and D.E.B.S was one of their "don't even see it movies". I replied by telling her that it is a "Lesbian Spy Spoof" (I don't think I ever described it to her as such before) and that you probably have to be a gay woman to really enjoy it (I have told her in the past about how much I love the movie and went as a D.E.B. for Halloween). And the awesome thing is that she seemed to have no problem with my comment and just laughed and said, "well I guess so cause they sure didn't like it".

Yay, happiness

Seriously, go see Brokeback!

It's time to play "Find the Lesbian"

Contestant #1 Contestant #2

Information about Contestant #1: On any given Friday night you can find her wearing cargo pants and a flannel shirt.

Information about Contestant #2: On any given Friday night you can find her wearing a tight shirt and tight jeans.

Which one is a homo?....cast your votes!

Revealing factor about Contestant #1: She can be found cuddling and kissing her bearded boyfriend whilst wearing said outfit.

Revealing factor about Contestant #2: She can be found at a gay club, dancing and making out with women whilst wearing said outfit.

************************************************************************************

On Sunday night my roommate had a boy over, she had informed him that one of her roommates was gay.

On Sunday night I (contestant #2) had a girl over (a very cute one).

We (and contestant #1...the other roommate) all sat together watching football. Anastasia (the girl) and I sat on a single seating recliner, together. We were cuddly and holding hands and such. Anastasia has a faux hawk (a haircut recognized by many as decidedly gay). Anastasia made a comment about picking up chicks on her scooter (thus confirming her gay status). We both left and headed up stairs to go to bed...

The next morning my roommate informed me that her boy (Rex) said, "So, Emily (Contestant #1) is the gay one, right?" When she informed him that in fact, it was the roommate who was cuddling with a lesbian that was gay, he was taken aback and made a comment about how pretty I am.

So, apparently lesbians are not pretty...for one thing, AND I am so decidedly straight looking that even sitting in the lap of and cuddling with a girl who has been established as a lesbian is STILL not enough to make me appear to be gay...

Sometimes stereotypes fail people... They are built on something, but they certainly do NOT hold up for everyone. How much proof do you need before you can let go of your preconceived notions and open up your mind to the fact that everything you have ever been told (by other people that do not know) could possibly not be true all of the time for every person.

....AND, I am stepping down from my soap box....

The Lesbian Drama Scene

You might have noticed that I have been M.I.A for a while, or if I did update it was very boring. That is because I have been fully sucked into the lesbian drama scene in Boston, and trust me, there is SO much drama.

Last week I made a chart for my girlfriends from high school to help keep them abreast of my life (just the previous two weeks) it is so complicated that I felt they needed an actual map to help them keep up. If you would like to see said map, shoot me an e-mail at hyperextendedjoints@yahoo.com (side note: I just made that account and somehow I accidentally set the language as Spanish- I am definitely leaving it)...

Drama: I have come to learn that a circle of lesbian friends is a breeding ground for drama, the reason for this is obvious to me, but maybe it is not for you. When you're a lesbian (I use that word more and more lately, even though I usually refer to myself as gay) there is a great chance that your group of buddies includes people that you are interested in dating or are possibly interested in dating you. Because of this, tons of drama ensues. In lesbian relationships there are no boundaries like there are in straight relationships. Generally if a man and woman are friends people always assume there might be something there:

"Harry Burns: no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story." (When Harry Met Sally, Act I, scene 5)

(I just treated that like a supporting quote in a research paper...sometimes I think im witty...but not really) So, I don't know about the whole unable to be friends thing, but, there is certainly always that sexual element there. With lesbians that is the case with all their relationships, and by that line of reasoning lesbians can only really be friends with gay men. Now with my friends from college there are pretty set boundaries that everyone pretty much understands. But on my football team, we're all just getting to know each other, so it is basically a free for all and drama abounds.

The whole friends and lovers are one and the same thing also complicates the lesbian break-up a lot. When lesbians break up they loose so much, because it is inevitable that your partner has become your best friend. I know this happens with men and women too and I try not to speculate about things I do not have experience with, but I generally think it is more severe in the lesbian relationship.

This is another hurdle I am in the process of dealing with, how to become just friends with my ex... (Because she became my bestfriend and when we broke up I didn't really know what to do with myself for a while.) We talk a lot, she calls me every morning, but have we become friends? Not sure. Will I always hurt a little when I think of us and what happened during our year together? Will her current (who she cheated on with me) ever be able to accept our friendship? If I can ever spend time with the two of them, will it hurt me? I am hopeful that things will work out in the end...I'll keep you posted.


(I am not sure how good this post was...might have been hard to follow...I think my head has just been so full of all this drama that I have a hard time focusing on anything else)

The Lesbian Drama Crew

Fighting Irish

This is my flag football team, The Fighting Irish. We won our first game this past weekend! WOOHOO!

I lost my position as running back and am now officially an outside linebacker. (Yes, that is a big kid position, and yes, as Cam pointed out, I am the smallest person on the team). The top picture is of the Defense...my new team. See the woman in the white in the back center? She is who I was up against most of the time (thats my head poking out in the back). That woman is twice my size and I did such a good job shutting her out on one play that she gave me a disgruntled shove after the play was over. GRRR...I am tough!

I love my team, we all hug every time we leave each other. Lesbians playing football and hugging, so cute!

Solidarity Sunday

This is my beautiful, youthful, strong, loving mother.
The other day she wrote me an e-mail to let me know that today is called Solidarity Sunday.
Solidarity Sunday is a faith-based anti- gay violence initiative. She told me she is going to wear a rainbow ribbon to church today in support of me and my friends. She is not really ready to talk to me about my sexuality or my relationships, but she is trying, and praying about it. It is unfortunate that something that is so wonderful for me has to be so hard for her, but I am really proud of how well she has responded. I am ashamed and proud to have found out that my mother is a stronger and more accepting person than I ever gave her credit for.

It's unfortunate that we still live in an unaccepting society and that we still have so far to go, but we have come far and hopefully one day things will be much better. Maybe there will never be full acceptance but I do believe that things will get much better!

Spring Bloom

I know this isn't the right season, but this is how I've been feeling all day:

These are the days that you'll remember
Never before and never since, I promise, will the whole world be warm as this.
And as you feel it, you’ll know it’s true that you are blessed and lucky.
It’s true that you are touched by something that will grow and bloom in you.

These are days you’ll remember.
When may is rushing over you with desire to be part of the miracles you see in every hour.
You’ll know it’s true that you are blessed and lucky.
It’s true that you are touched by something that will grow and bloom in you.

These are days.
These are the days you might fill with laughter until you break.
These days you might feel a shaft of light make it’s way across your face.
And when you do you’ll know how it was meant to be.
See the signs and know their meaning.
It’s true, you’ll know how it was meant to be.
Hear the signs and know they’re speaking to you, to you.
************************************************************************************
Things are all coming together for me, and the world feels so full of possibility!

Queereoke

Last night after football practice I went out with my team to a bar where "Queereoke" was being held. Yes, it was as much fun as it sounds! We all decided (it wasn't the whole team- I think there were like 6 of us) to sing a song together, and I foolishly mentioned that I thought "Sweet Caroline" would make a good kareoke song. Just in case you were wondering- "Sweet Caroline" is NOT a good kareoke song, the chorus is too high and the song is too slow. But we had fun and that's what counts.

A little later when the bar had gotten more full, the "DJ" decided to sing "Piano Man" by Billy Joel. He was massacring the words and I was singing along and complaining. Linda told me that I should go up and join in, but I just shook off her suggestion. Then he said it, "Anyone who wants to come up and take over for me is welcome." So, with a couple beers in me, I shakily got up and took the stage. The song was only a fourth of the way through so I had a ways to go. Then something amazing happened, people stopped what they were doing and paid attention, and cheered me on, and sang with me- I am not ashamed to admit that I did a good job, and it was really fun. Afterward my teammates all congratulated me and told me I had a good voice and such. Then something weird happened.

Random girls started coming up to me to tell me I had a good voice. Keep in mind that I had come from football practice- I looked grubby, bag shirt and sweat pants with hair pulled back in a frizzy half pony. But somehow, despite my appearance i was being hit on more than I am accustomed to, and one of these girls was relentlessly throwing looks my way.

So if you ever find yourself at a kareoke bar trying to impress the ladies- Billy Joel is where it's at.

And if you find yourself in JP (Jamaica Plaine Massachusetts) on a Thursday night go over to the Midway....it's a wicked good time!

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday....FOOTBALL!

The Fighting Irish (us) vs. Jeanie Johnston, part of the Boston Women's Flag Football Leauge. That's me in the bright blue shorts with the 9 on my shirt. If you have never played on a team sport you should try it. It keeps me sane to know that I have practice coming up and a reason to exercise and get in good shape. Plus I have met a group of amazing women that I love to hang out and talk with. No wonder all those studies show that being involved in sports keeps kids away from drugs and such. Team sports have always been a part of my life and I guess now I realize that they always will.

Three posts in one day! Can you tell how much I missed my blog?

Turning Japanese...or at least 23

So I turned 23 yesterday...everyone keeps asking me how 23 feels...in case you want to ask me the answer is: it feels the same. Today my brother called me and he answered saying sorry. I had no idea why he was sorry and then I realized he hadn't called me on my birthday. I'm not sure when it happened, probably after 21, but birthday's don't really matter that much to me any more.

So here is what I did on my birthday: went to dinner with two of my best friends (Bekka and Maria) and then went over to Bekka's apartment and I watch D.E.B.S with one of my other good friends- Allison. It was perfect because I had watched D.E.B.S twice already but only by myself, I really craved other people to watch it with so I could have someone else confirm how amazing the movie is (note: one of the hard parts about being single is having to search for friends to watch movies with you). BUT just in case you have not seen it yet D.E.B.S is an amazing movie- a lesbian spy spoof complete with "smuck" sound effects while the villain is scaling a wall with suction thingies. A line from the movie as further proof: "I never wanted to be a criminal when I was growing up. I wanted to be a pirate." "Um, pirates are criminals." AMAZING!

Every year my girlfriends from high school, the four remaining in our group, get together and go to Vegas. The trip usually lands on someone's birthday and this year we went from the 9th-11th so it was close to my birthday. Since I am struggling to "make ends meet" my amazing friends chipped in $200 for my $227 plane ticket and my friend Lindsay (with an A don't get it wrong) loaned my $200 and told me that I can wait until I am more financially stable to pay her back. The trip was awesome and I couldn't have done it without Linds...she is amazing! My three girls- Linds, Leilani, and Priscilla kept cuddling with me during the weekend...I am big on cuddling! So The weekend was well worth it just for all the cuddling. Thanks ladies I love you eternally!