Tuesday, November 08, 2005

The Lesbian Drama Scene

You might have noticed that I have been M.I.A for a while, or if I did update it was very boring. That is because I have been fully sucked into the lesbian drama scene in Boston, and trust me, there is SO much drama.

Last week I made a chart for my girlfriends from high school to help keep them abreast of my life (just the previous two weeks) it is so complicated that I felt they needed an actual map to help them keep up. If you would like to see said map, shoot me an e-mail at
hyperextendedjoints@yahoo.com (side note: I just made that account and somehow I accidentally set the language as Spanish- I am definitely leaving it)...

Drama: I have come to learn that a circle of lesbian friends is a breeding ground for drama, the reason for this is obvious to me, but maybe it is not for you. When you're a lesbian (I use that word more and more lately, even though I usually refer to myself as gay) there is a great chance that your group of buddies includes people that you are interested in dating or are possibly interested in dating you. Because of this, tons of drama ensues. In lesbian relationships there are no boundaries like there are in straight relationships. Generally if a man and woman are friends people always assume there might be something there:

"Harry Burns: no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright: So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns: No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright: What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns: Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story." (When Harry Met Sally, Act I, scene 5)

(I just treated that like a supporting quote in a research paper...sometimes I think im witty...but not really) So, I don't know about the whole unable to be friends thing, but, there is certainly always that sexual element there. With lesbians that is the case with all their relationships, and by that line of reasoning lesbians can only really be friends with gay men. Now with my friends from college there are pretty set boundaries that everyone pretty much understands. But on my football team, we're all just getting to know each other, so it is basically a free for all and drama abounds.

The whole friends and lovers are one and the same thing also complicates the lesbian break-up a lot. When lesbians break up they loose so much, because it is inevitable that your partner has become your best friend. I know this happens with men and women too and I try not to speculate about things I do not have experience with, but I generally think it is more severe in the lesbian relationship.
This is another hurdle I am in the process of dealing with, how to become just friends with my ex... (Because she became my bestfriend and when we broke up I didn't really know what to do with myself for a while.) We talk a lot, she calls me every morning, but have we become friends? Not sure. Will I always hurt a little when I think of us and what happened during our year together? Will her current (who she cheated on with me) ever be able to accept our friendship? If I can ever spend time with the two of them, will it hurt me? I am hopeful that things will work out in the end...I'll keep you posted.

(I am not sure how good this post was...might have been hard to follow...I think my head has just been so full of all this drama that I have a hard time focusing on anything else)

The Lesbian Drama Crew

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